When traveling, the sages say, one must always be prepared to accept local customs. Yet there are areas of this very kingdom where one might find it customary to tax a wizard into poverty; to insist a wizard should not be paid, for magic exists only for the common good; or even to tar and feather a wizard unsuccessful at his task. Contrary to the sages, when one is traveling in these areas, one should be prepared to avoid local customs altogether.
— THE TEACHINGS OF EBENEZUM,
VOLUME VI
I had walked through dark forests before, but never one as dark as this. The massive trees we passed between rose high above our heads, their branches meeting hundreds of feet in the air to weave a green blanket above us. They let so little light to the forest floor that half the day we seemed to march through evening, and the rest of the day was blackest night.
I had walked through treacherous undergrowth before, but none more treacherous than this. Despite the fact that little light seeped through the leaves above, the ground about our feet was littered with bushes, low things with pale leaves that looked as if they thrived on darkness rather than light. The leaves held sharp edges as well, and hid sharper brambles beneath that would stick to your leggings, and draw blood if you touched them.
I had walked through chill climates before, but none where the cold seeped right through muscle and bone the way it did here. Not only did the leaves above banish sunlight, but also any memory of warmth that the sun might bring. I felt that the blood on my bramble-sore fingers might freeze if the temperature were to descend the slightest degree.
My master, the wizard Ebenezum, once the greatest mage in all the Western Kingdoms, turned to regard the rest of our procession. He stretched his arms out beyond the sleeves of his wizardly robes, black silk tastefully inlaid with silver moons and stars, a bit soiled and torn from the rigors of our trip, perhaps, but still the sign of a serious sorcerer. He yawned and scratched at his full white beard.
“Oh, what a bracing morning,” the wizard remarked.
“Doom!” a voice called behind me. Without turning, I could tell it was the warrior Hendrek, his grip tight about the sack that held his doomed warclub, Head-basher. Hendrek, it appeared, felt much the same as I.
“Yztwwrfj!” added yet another voice, this one belonging to the demon Snarks, so deeply clothed in layer upon layer of robe that anything he said was completely indecipherable. Still, did I sense disquiet in the tone of his voice?
“Oh, come now.” The wizard stroked his mustache contemplatively. “ ‘Tis not as bad as all that. We have not had to deal with a demon attack for well over two days. We are making good time through this forest; in a few more days we shall reach the Inland Sea. And on the other side of that sea lies Vushta!”
Vushta? I must admit, even in that gloomy forest, the name alone cheered my spirits. Vushta, city of a thousand forbidden delights, a place where, were he not the soul of caution, a man might go mad with myriad desires. Vushta, where a young lad such as myself had to be doubly careful, lest he be dragged unwillingly to one of the city’s fabled pleasure palaces, and there forced, no matter how he might protest—
An explosion disturbed my thoughts.
“Eh?” the wizard remarked. “Well, perhaps I was mistaken.”
“Doom!” Hendrek repeated. The large warrior stepped to my side. His whole body quivered with anticipation; a fearsome sight to see, for he was almost as wide as he was tall. His hand clutched convulsively at the bag that contained his enchanted weapon. “We are in the presence of some dread magic!’’
I glanced up, wondering if I should correct him. I knew, for the moment at least, that Hendrek was wrong. There was no great magic here yet. My master had not sneezed.
As I have said, Ebenezum was once the greatest wizard in all the Western Kingdoms. And really, he was still a mage without peer, save for one problem. A few scant months ago, due to a small error on his part, the wizard found himself fighting for his life with Guxx Unfufadoo, one of the most powerful demons the Netherhells has ever seen. Ebenezum defeated the demon, and banished it to the Netherhells once again, but his battle was not without its cost. From that day forward, should he even be in the presence of magic, the wizard would begin to sneeze violently and uncontrollably.
Now, a malady of this sort might defeat many a lesser wizard. But not Ebenezum! He continued to ply his trade, using his affliction to sniff out sorcery wherever it might lurk, while at the same time seeking a cure among his learned tomes. At last, however, even a wizard as great as Ebenezum had to admit he could not cure his malady alone. He would have to seek outside assistance, even though he might have to travel to far and fabled Vushta, city of a thousand forbidden delights, before he might find another wizard with skill sufficient for this enormous task.
So to Vushta we journeyed. And as we journeyed we encountered demons and dragons, giants and ghosts, trolls and enchanted chickens! There was sorcery everywhere we turned. Far too much sorcery.
It was when we were staying in a hermit’s very large and palatial hovel that we learned the truth; only as we were attacked again by Guxx Unfufadoo, the very demon that caused my master’s malady! The Netherhells, not content with an occasional bit of demonic intervention, had mounted a campaign to take over the surface world as well and turn it into an extension of their foul domain!
Ebenezum and I, with the help of many others, managed to win that first battle. But we knew it was only the beginning of the war. Now, it was even more imperative that we reach Vushta and its College of Wizards. The future of the whole world was at stake!
Since then, we had redoubled our endeavors to complete our journey, aided by our two companions, Snarks and Hendrek. But even in our daily travels, we had to observe extreme caution. Besides an occasional attack by human assassins, hired by a ruler Ebenezum had managed to slightly offend some time ago, we were constantly being set upon by demons and demonic magic, and ‘twas only through our combined efforts that we managed to survive.
There was another explosion, much closer this time. The earth shook at our feet.
“Doom!” the large warrior repeated. “The demons attack again!”
“No, no, good Hendrek,” my master corrected. “‘Tis not demons, yet. As least not in any force. My nose would not be able to withstand such an assault.”
The wizard stepped hastily back, drawing up his robes to cover his lower face. With the third explosion, Hendrek had drawn Headbasher from its protective sack.
“Doom!” Hendrek swung the warclub above his head so quickly that the air screamed with its passing. Headbasher was an enchanted club, and when the large warrior held it in his hands, he became like a man possessed. But Headbasher’s magic was a curse as well, for Hendrek had obtained the club from the demon Brax, who neglected to inform the warrior as to the exact terms of sale. To his everlasting horror, Hendrek soon learned that Headbasher was a club no man could own, but could only rent!
Snarks had pulled his sickly green demonic head free of his concealing robes. He stood next to Hendrek, staring at the site of the last explosion.
“The wizard is right,” Snarks hissed. “No demon has done this. It is something far worse!”
There was an explosion by Snarks’s right foot. The demon screamed.
“Oh, excuse me!” a small voice exclaimed. “Pardon, pardon, pardon!” A very diminutive fellow dressed all in brown stood in our midst. He brushed distractedly at his sleeves. “I don’t quite have that trick down yet. I’m very close, though!”
Hendrek squinted in the newcomer’s direction. “ ‘Tis some kind of Fairy....”
“What!” The little man glared at the large warrior. “I am nothing of the kind! The very idea!” He took a deep breath, drawing himself up to his full height (just under a foot and a half). “Gentlemen, I am a Brownie!”
“Brownie?” Snarks murmured. The look of distaste on his countenance turned to one of pure horror. “Brownie?”
Hendrek smiled at the Brownie. “Well, little man, ‘twas a natural mistake. You know how everyone talks about Fairies and Brownies.”
“Fairies and Brownies! Fairies and Brownies!” The little man stamped his feet in indignation. “It’s never Brownies and Fairies, no, no, no, never the other way around! Well, we Brownies have had enough! We’re not going to take it anymore!”
“Indeed,” Ebenezum said behind the folds of his robe. “Would it be impolite to ask just what you were not going to take?”
The little fellow shook his head sadly. “ ‘Tis a longstanding truth that Brownies have always been taken for granted. Well, it’s partially our fault, I’ll be the first to admit that. My ancestors did a lot of hiding from you big folks, and it’s always been the Brownie Way to get most of our work done after dark. Well, believe me, the days of the invisible Brownies are over! From now on, when we do good deeds, you’ll darn well see them. Up with Brownies!”
Snarks shuddered, clearly appalled by the very thought. I studied our green companion with some concern. With his thorough knowledge of the Netherhells, Snarks had been of invaluable assistance in our battles with demonic forces. Could he perhaps sense something sinister in this small man’s speech?
In a whisper, I asked the demon what was wrong.
Snarks looked at me, misery in his eyes. If anything, his sickly green complexion was even more sickly and more green than usual.
“You know,” he whispered hoarsely, “that I have been banished from the Netherhells, for, due to demonic politicians scaring my mother while I was in infancy, I can speak nothing but the truth. And, for the most part, I have come to accept my lot in life—forced to wander the surface world, the enemy of my kin and kind, most of whom would kill me on sight. And still . . . and still. . .”
Snarks choked back a ragged sob. “It is just too much! I may have been driven from the Netherhells . . . but I still have some standards. He’s so, so. . .” Snarks gagged. “So. . . CUTE!”
I looked back at the Brownie. I could see the demon’s point. There was something about that foot-and-a-half high fellow, jumping up and down and saying positive things about Browniedom, that was absolutely nauseating.
“Where are the Fairies now, let me ask you that?” the little man was saying now. “You think they don’t know about the plans that the Netherhells have for these parts? No, no, no, those Fairies know everything about every demon that’s ever set foot in the realm! But do they do anything about it? No, not the Fairies! They’re too frightened! They go into hiding! Well, now it’s the Brownies’ time. We’re not going to go into hiding again. We’re going to wait right here, and show the demons and everybody that the Brownies have come to stay! Fairies and Brownies, indeed!”
“Indeed,” Ebenezum replied. “Very commendable.”
“In fact,” the Brownie beamed, “that’s the reason I’ve come. There was this young lady I just met, back in the forest a bit, who had a very important message for you!”
“Young lady?” I asked.
“Yes, yes, her name began with an N I think. Well, an N or an M.” The Brownie shook his head. “There’s something to be said for that mode of transportation. It’s certainly good if you’re in a hurry, but I must say those explosions shake one up a bit.”
“An N?” I queried. “Was the woman’s name Norei?” Could it be true? Was my true love trying to find us? Perhaps, dare I hope, she could not exist another minute without me?
“It might have been an S. Excuse me. It’s this ringing in my ears, you know. But it’s one of those for sure, either an M or an N, or possibly an S. It’s got to be one of those, I’m quite certain of that.”
Couldn’t this Brownie be more specific? It had to be Norei! Didn’t it? Perhaps, I thought, the message she had for us would give me some clue.
“What did she have to say?” I demanded. “Did she mention Ebenezum?” For a second, my voice caught in my throat. “Did she say anything about. . . Wuntvor?”
“Well, she may have used one of those names. Yes, I think she did. Now, what did her name start with?’’
“I see.” This was obviously all too much for my master. He strode forward, his great, bushy eyebrows knitted with concern. I must admit, I was relieved to see the wizard take a truly active role in this interrogation. His sorcerous wiles could get to the bottom of anything. Magic or no magic, he’d get an answer from this forest spirit.
“What did the young woman tell you?” He sneezed briefly, then turned away to blow his nose.
“Well, let’s see,” the Brownie said. “You know, I can’t tell you just now. It’s that name thing. Funny how something small like that can just get in your way, but when I get bothered like that—was it an M?”
The wizard stepped forward to try again. “Can you find out what the young woman told you?” He sneezed twice this time.
“Well, I could go back and ask her her name. I bet it’ll all come back to me then. You’ve got to give me a chance here. Us Brownies are going to take a more active role in this world than ever before. We’re really set on doing that. But, we’re a little new at it. You’ve got to give us a little time to grow. I promise I won’t let you down. This is our Brownie Pledge: We’ll keep on doing it until we get it right.”
Ebenezum managed only one word before the sneezing fit took him: “Go!”
“Oh. Pardon me. Yes, I guess I’d better. Well, remember, Brownies do it better!”
He closed his eyes and stamped his feet.
Snarks yelped as the air exploded at his feet.
The Brownie smiled weakly. “Sorry. Still having a little trouble finding the range.” He frowned. “Whatever that young woman had to say, I know it was important. What was it? Oh yes, a matter of life and death. That’s what she said. Life and death. Or was it life or death?”
There was another explosion. This time, the Brownie was gone.